The Rose case, experts say, is an especially serious example, but many children in less sensational situations face similarly damaging consequences as they are used as pawns by warring parents.

The common thread in cases like this are angry or abusive actions by one parent against another. Such attacks, especially in the presence of children, are extremely painful and emotionally damaging to children, said Perri James-Banks, director of social work for the Kempe Children's Center in Denver.

"That is traumatizing to a child," James-Banks said. "The impact on these kids is they are held hostage psychologically. They experience intense fear and anxiety."

The Rose case, experts say, represents one of the worst varieties of parental conflict - the abduction of a child by someone he or she knows and loves.

Authorities say Debra Rose hired three men to forcibly take her 9-year-old son from his father's Palm Desert, Calif., home on Aug. 28. After spending two days with his mother, he was returned to his father last week after police arrested Rose.

Kidnapping can be a gesture of love or revenge, but familial abductions at a minimum leave the child depressed, confused and fearful, Denver-area child abuse experts say. In many cases, family kidnappings can inflict damage that lasts a lifetime.

Kidnapping "has nothing to do with the best interest of the child," Denver child advocate Robert Muchnick said.

Pain inflicted by parental conflict isn't reserved for children in extreme cases such as family kidnappings.

There are divorces in which one parent criticizes the other or tries to get the child to take sides. There are abuse situations in which a parent verbally or physically attacks another parent. There are other forms of conflict too numerous to name. The common link: They are all confusing and potentially harmful to children.

Children depend for their survival on their parents, and when parents battle each other, the child loses his or her sense of security and well being, Muchnick said.

Kids generally have two opposite reactions to bitter parental conflict: They either trust or mistrust everyone, James-Banks said.

"The world becomes very confusing and unpredictable," she said.

As for children in extreme situations - such as abuse of a parent by another or kidnapping by a parent - the damage is amplified.

Part of the harm done to a kidnapped child stems from the possible imprisonment of the offending parent, Muchnick said.

In the Rose case, Nicholas' mother, Debra, of Colorado Springs, is in a Riverside County jail. Nicholas was found with Rose near San Diego two days after he was abducted; she denies involvement in the kidnapping. Nicholas witnessed his mother's arrest, and it's inevitable that such an experience will be distressing to him, Muchnick said.

Most U.S. and Colorado kidnappings are carried out by family members, said Kristina Koellner, manager of the Colorado Bureau of Investigation's missing persons unit.

Of the 313 kidnappings in Colorado between 1998 and 2001, 210 (66 percent) were done by family members, usually the consequence of custody disputes, Koellner said.

Available statistics suggest that the percentage of family kidnappings is similar or even higher nationally. In 1999, 203,900, or 78 percent of 262,100 total kidnappings, were carried out by family members, according to the National Incidence Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway and Thrownaway Children.

Often motivated by revenge, a parent who kidnaps his or her child can be very vindictive, Koellner said.

"It gets pretty intense when you're dealing with families," Koellner said. The best interests of the child are ignored, she said.

The children are often bounced from place to place like fugitives under assumed names and in meager financial conditions, authorities say. They may be gone for weeks or several years, Koellner said.

After kidnapping his infant son, one Colorado father told his son that his mother was dead, she said. The boy didn't learn that his mother was alive and that he had sisters until he was 16, Koellner said.

The way Nicholas was kidnapped will leave deep emotional scars, James-Banks said.

Rose and Michael Farber, 47, married in 1991 and divorced in 1996. Farber had recently won temporary custody of Nicholas after a bitter dispute with Rose, authorities said. The father is seeking permanent custody.

Two armed men broke into Farber's house at 2 a.m. and beat him before running away with Nicholas, who was wearing only his underwear, police said.

In an especially sad note, Nicholas most likely witnessed his father getting beaten by the kidnappers, Muchnick said.

"That's severely traumatizing to a child," he said.

Children kidnapped by a parent often suffer post-traumatic stress syndrome with flashbacks and persistent anxiety, James-Banks said. They have a higher chance of becoming delinquent and depressed, she said.

Often, the kidnapper tells the child how horrible the other parent is, James-Banks said. But when that parent is arrested, the child doesn't know which parent to trust.

"They lose hope and become withdrawn and depressed," she said.

The kidnapping parent sometimes claims he or she took the child to stop an abusive parent, James-Banks said. But whether the kidnapping parent is telling the truth, the criminal act of kidnapping is used against the person, who rarely wins custody, she said.

In such cases, authorities don't know which parent to believe, and the child ends up in foster care, James-Banks said.