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Child custody system needs reform to respect fathers

By Glenn Sacks

The largest factor in predicting whether a child will graduate high school, attend college, become involved in crime or drugs, or get pregnant before age 18 is the presence (or absence) of a father in the child's life. Studies show that this remains true even after adjustments for household income.

Yet at the same time, we allow hundreds of thousands of fathers to be locked out of their children's lives by ex-spouses who ignore their kids' need for a dad, and by a family court system that is biased against fathers.

The divorced dad has endured more unwarranted criticism than perhaps any other group in our time. Isn't the divorced dad, we are told, a man who abandoned his family? A deadbeat dad? A child abuser?

Occasionally, yes. Usually, no.

Close to 70 percent of all divorces involving couples with children are initiated by the mother, not the father. Studies show that couples agree that the reasons for these divorces are usually not infidelity or abuse but instead a lack of "closeness" or of not feeling "loved and appreciated."

Most "deadbeat dads" are poor, unemployed or denied access to their children. Among men who have had no employment problems in the past year and have had access to their children, more than 80 percent pay their child support in full, and 13 percent overpay it. Less than 5 percent don't pay at all, and fathers actually have a much better record of paying court-ordered child support than mothers do.

There are fathers who abuse their kids. However, 70 percent of confirmed cases of child abuse and 65 percent of parental murders of children are committed by mothers, not fathers, according to the U.S. Department of Justice.

Children are 88 percent more likely to be seriously injured from abuse or neglect by their mothers than by their fathers.

How can we get fathers back into their children's lives? Here are five needed, long overdue reforms:

Enforce fathers' visitation rights.

Three-quarters of divorced fathers surveyed maintain that their ex-spouses have substantially interfered with their visitation rights.

A recent nationwide study of children of divorce found that 42 percent of children who lived solely with their mother reported that their mother tried to prevent them from seeing their fathers after the divorce. However, only 16 percent of children who lived solely with their father reported similar obstruction.

The women in the survey generally admitted that their actions were punitive in nature and not due to safety considerations. Yet the government spends $340 on enforcing child support for every $1 it spends on enforcing visitation rights.

Prosecutions of fathers who violate child support mandates are common, whereas prosecutions of mothers who violate visitation orders are rare.

Make joint custody a reality instead of a meaningless scrap of paper.

Most states have mandatory joint custody, but in practice it means that the mother is automatically issued physical custody and the father can only see his children a few days a month.

Studies reveal that divorced mothers are five times as likely to be satisfied with custody arrangements as divorced fathers. It is imperative that joint custody means 50 percent physical time with each parent, or a time-sharing agreement negotiated between parents whom the court treats as equals.

Don't hold the father's breadwinner role against him.

Men are generally expected to sacrifice time with their kids in order to be their family's main breadwinner. When divorcing couples go to family court the judge gives the children primarily to the mother because the father "hasn't nurtured them as much." Why not? Because he was earning the household income that made it possible for the mother to spend more time nurturing the children.

Crack down on "move-away parents"

These are custodial parents who violate court orders by moving their children away from their ex-spouses.

Penalize ex-spouses who make false accusations of child abuse, molestation, etc., during custody disputes.

Many warring ex-spouses use false accusations as their "ace in the hole" in a custody battle. Studies have shown that in this context, 75 percent of child sexual abuse accusations are unfounded or unsubstantiated.

The man who abandons his children is a pariah in our society, as he should be. But if it's despicable for a father to abandon his children, is it not equally despicable for a mother to drive a father out of his children's lives?

Glenn Sacks is a free-lance writer living in the San Fernando Valley.

© 2001-2002 Glenn J. Sacks